Batman & Robin’s biggest sin, however, is that it’s dreadfully boring. Visually the film feels more akin to a performance of Batman on Ice at the Ohio State Fair than a theatrically released motion picture, complete with odd lighting choices and massive, over-the-top sets. Freeze conducts an orchestra of goons in a rendition of “Snow Miser Song” kind of work, because Schwarzenegger understands that he’s essentially in a cartoon. So scenes in which polar-bear-shoe-clad Mr. He and Uma Thurman’s Poison Ivy are actually the most effective in this film, delivering their lines with the utmost camp and really putting the shine on as the movie progresses. Freeze, and who received top billing on all marketing materials. And then there’s Arnold Schwarzenegger, who was famously paid a whopping $25 million for his work as Mr. George Clooney is woefully miscast, failing to deliver both the dry humor and the brooding complexity of Batman/Bruce Wayne, Chris O’Donnell continues to wonder what he’s doing in a Batman movie at all, and Alicia Silverstone pops up for no reason and makes zero effort to affect any kind of character whatsoever.
The problem is, the movie can’t reconcile its cartoony nature with also trying to tell a genuine Batman story, and the whole ensemble is used so poorly that you can see them struggling to find something real to hold onto from scene to scene. Whereas Batman Forever dipped its toes into camp territory, Batman & Robin dives in headfirst, wading around in a sea of puns and jokes and gags galore. And you know what? He kind of pulls it off in a couple of scenes. But understanding the history of Batman onscreen, specifically the TV series and the 1966 film, leads one to understand what director Joel Schumacher was going for here.
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